In all our sanctuaries we sit at risk

Let’s Hear it from Janus on the Union



The Roman god Janus had two heads, two faces. They are usually depicted as looking in opposite directions.

And the UK has a Gaffe man and a lying Toad for Prime Minister. He says, “Call me Boris” but perhaps “Call me Janus” would ring a little truer. And those two heads are not only turned in opposite directions – all too often their voices are articulating opposite views both at the same time, both dishonest.

And there he was with his two heads at Prime Minister’s Questions the other day, each head with its studiously unruly mop of straggly yellowness on top, speaking about the union of nations and the dangers of nationalism. Really ?

He was talking to the Right Honourable Ian Blackford (SNP Leader at Westminster) and was referring with curious pride to his own time as Mayor of London. He said that, as Mayor of a devolved administration, he had focussed on the real priorities of the people of London – not on constitutional issues.

Absolutely, Mr Toad. That’s just the ticket. Focus on the real priorities of the people. Constitutional issues aimed at severing union and bound to make co-operative action harder are an unforgiveable irrelevance and distraction, a mutual weakening of capacity. Absolutely, Mr Toad, our straggly Janus.

And, still facing in a Scottish direction, this pro-union Toad went on to lecture the Right Honourable Blackford that what the UK does collectively is far far better that what it could do as a group of separate and competing nations. The union has shown its value and will continue to show it value, he said.

Well, Mr Toad, you said it again. What any union of nations does collectively, what the European Union does collectively, is far far better than separate nations can ever do, acting alone.

He’s so right, you know, Or is he right only in that northern-facing, Scottish direction ?

And then the Toad said that the SNP would take Scotland back into the European Union ! Horrors ! What could be more appalling that to join a union of nearly 30 countries ? What a massive surrender of POWER, said another of those straggly Janus heads. You lose POWER when you join a Union, said the head.

And little England will be squeezed in the middle, whispered another of Toad’s heads. All through history, being caught between France and Scotland has been one of little England’s nightmares.

And the Right Honourable Keir Starmer seemed none too impressed with this Lying Toad, our fraud of a Prime Minister with his several straggly heads, each muddly and duplicitous. And the Right Honourable Keir Starmer asked across the dispatch box, do the collective straggly Toads opposite all not agree that, actually, Scotland needs more devolution, not less ?

And one of the straggly heads declared that Tony Blair had admitted that devolution was a mistake, that Blair had not foreseen that nationalism, would rise up on the back of it. And who wants nationalism, said the straggly head ?

We want nationalism said another head perched on the same body. But only our nationalism, not your nationalism. Only our union. Not your union. And our control. Not yours. And our POWER. Not yours. Nor Parliament’s. Nor the People’s. Not the British. Nor even the English.

MINE, said Janus, speaking with one voice at last.

Rule Britannia. Rule my Make-Believe Britannia. Rule Toad’s Britannia. The chaotic and shameless immorality of Toad’s Toyland.